~ God's Own Drunk - Jimmy Buffet ~

well,
like i've explained in this town many times before i ain't a drinkin' man. i quit in miami on sunday. as my knees were shakin' and my teeth were chatterin', i swore i would never do it again. but i had promised my brother-in-law that i'd watch his still while he went into town to vote. an' it was right up on the mountain where the map said it would be. friends let me tell you one thing it wadn't no ordinary still.

oh.
ok.
you're on the record
stood up there on that mountain like a huuuuuuuge golden opal, god's little lanterns 's twinklin' on and off in the heavens god's big ol' yella moon was shinin' on the cool clear evenin', like i've explained many times before, i ain't a drinkin' man, but, on that particular occasion, the temptation got the best of me, and this feelin' comes over me and i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i- took a slaaaash... shew!

that yella whiskey runnin' down my throat tast like honeydew vine water, and i took another slash. took another and another and another, an' 'fore i knew it i'd downed one whole jug o' that shit and commenced to get hot flashes. goosepimples 's runnin' up and down my body all the sudden this, this feelin' comes over me do-do-do-do-do
's like, somethin' i'd never experienced before, 's like,
's like i was in love, in love for the nine hundred and 35th time with anything that moooooved... animate, in-animate, conehead, no cone it didn't matter.
's like there's this, this great neon sign flashin' on and off in my brain sayin', "jimmy buffett... you fool. there's a great day a comin'..." 'cause i was drunk!

i wadn't knee-crawlin', coral reeferin' (yeah i've seen that) commode-huggin' drunk. no, i was god's own drunk, and a fearless man.
and that's when i first-saw-the-bear.

he was a kodiak lookin' fella 'bout 19 feet tall he rambled up over the hill 'spectin' me to do one of two things: flip or fly, i didn't do either one. hung him up. started sniffin' 'round my body tryin' to smell a little fear, but he ain't gonna smell it, 'cause i'm god's own drunk and a fearless man.

hung him up.

i had him on the run, i thought to myself. until he ate my sunglasses to show me he was a badass. and i had just stolen them from eckerd's and i was really pissed off! had a eight dollar price tag on the son of a bitches, you know?

so when he pulled 'em off my eyes was a lot redder than his was.
it hung him up.
so i said uh, "mr. bear... sir.
's 'at respectful way you say sir, you know. it's like when you drivin' down the highway and ya got, feelin' pretty confident because you got a fuzz buster in you're car and you got nineteen smushed out joints an empty vial on the front seat and twenty seven cases of budweiser in the back seat and the cops stop ya, ya know.

yes sir!
i wadn't doin' shit!
then he leans on ya, you know. so ya gotta be nice and ya go "please don't take me in 'cause my old lady'll kick my ass. i's only supposed to go down to buckhead to get the paper, next thing i knew i was on i-75 headed for florida! oh i'm in trouble now. got any tickets to the baaaaaall?" sir. i love every hair on your 27 acre body. i know you got a lotta friends over there on the other side of stone mountain. there's ole' rarebear tallbear freddybear kellyjair rellybear smellyth'bear smokeyth'bear pokeyth'bear;
i want you to go back over there tonight and you tell 'em i'm feelin' right.
tell 'em i love each and every one of 'em like a brother and a sisterrrrr;
but!
if they give me any trouble tonight, as much as i hate to do it, i'm gonna have to run every goddamned one of 'em right off the hill."
that's what i told him.

well he took two steps back; he didn't know what to say. neither did i,
(scared the shit out of me)
but i was god's own drunk and a fearless man,

i said uh,
"mr. bear, you know in the eyes of the loorrrd, we're both beasts when it comes right down to it. so i want you to be my buddy, 'buddy bear.'"

he's gonna be on hollywood squares next week.
so i took ole' buddy bear by his island sized paw and i led him to the still.
he's a' sniffin' around that thing 'cause he's smellin' somethin' good.
i 'on't blame 'im.

so i gave him one of them jugs of honeydew vine water, he downed it upright, (looked like one of them bears in the circus sippin' sasparilly in the moonlight.)

i gave him another and another and another
before 'e knew it, he'd downed about eight of 'em and commenced to do the "bear dance."

first of all you gotta slide into second brase, break y'r leg, two sniffs, a snort, a fly, a turn and a grunt; it was so simple like the boogaloo, plumb evaded me.
and we worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar i's awful tired, went over to the hillside,
laid down, slept for four hours, and dreamt me some tremulous dreams
(i think cheryl tiegs was in one of 'em, i 'on't know)
oh-ho, yeah. oh-ho... big ol' american breasts, you know? hoho!

an' wh' when i woke up,
(i didn't wanna wake up. i's out there uh, "gone to the bahamas!")
but when i woke up, there was god's yella moon shinin' on the cool clear evenin', god's little lanterns 's twinklin' on and off in the heavens, an an' i looked around, no one to be found. it seems that that my buddy the bear... was missin'...

you want to know somethin' else friends and neighbors?
so-was-that-still....